You already know why. So why does it keep happening?

I'm Phoebe Hao, a psychotherapist in San Francisco and a former tech and finance professional. I work with adults and couples who are caught in patterns they can explain but haven't been able to change, whether in relationships, family, at work, or in how they see themselves. My work is depth-oriented: we look at where those patterns came from, and what it would take to do something different.

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Phoebe Hao, therapist for high achievers in San Francisco

MEET PHOEBE

Who you are beneath
what you’ve built

I was a Tech PM, founder, and VC before becoming a therapist. Now I help high-achieving professionals understand how their early relationships, inherited expectations, and drive to achieve have shaped who they are, and who they want to become.

Read more about my approach →

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  • How I work

    I'm active, direct, and intellectually curious. I won't sit back and nod, and I won't tell you what you want to hear. We look closely at how your family, your culture, and your early environment taught you to survive and succeed, and at what those lessons cost you. The goal isn't to make you less ambitious. It's to make achievement a choice rather than a way of earning love, safety, or belonging.

  • For individuals

    For people who look successful from the outside and feel anxious, burned out, or quietly empty on the inside. We explore the patterns you repeat, where they came from, and what you want instead. Weekly depth-oriented work, combining psychodynamic, Gestalt, and Jungian approaches with EMDR where it fits.

  • For couples and families

    For partners who are stuck on the "repeat button" of the same conflict. I help you see the pattern beneath the argument so each of you can grow as an individual while staying genuinely connected.

  • For co-founders

    What happens between co-founders rarely stays between co-founders. Trust, power, ambition, and resentment shape how you lead, decide, and handle conflict, and your company feels it. I help founders build a partnership with more clarity, candor, and resilience.

  • “High-achievers in tech need a therapist who can balance deep emotional empathy with logical, practical objectivity. Phoebe is warm, disarmingly funny, and sharply focused on real-world results.”

    — Patrizia Nader via Psychology Today

  • “Phoebe understands the stresses and demands of high-paced workplace environments, and how they can affect you and your relationships. Specialising in Chinese diaspora professionals and other international people, she's an excellent therapist.“

    — Dr Rachael Vaughan, clinical supervisor, via Psychology Today

My work sits at the intersection of psychology, relationships, and leadership.

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Getting Started

Reaching out is the hardest part, so I've kept it simple.

Book a free 15-minute consultation. We'll talk about what's bringing you in, and you can ask me anything about how I work.

See if it feels right. Trust your experience. The relationship between therapist and client is one of the strongest predictors of change.

Start weekly sessions. Depth work builds on consistency, so we begin weekly and adjust as your goals evolve.

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